Going a little batty

OK this has zero to do with scooters but I need share what happened to me this morning.

This morning I went into the kitchen to start my morning routine when I heard FWAP, FWAP. I initially thought aww bird in the fireplace. So I went over to look at it and encourage it to fly back up and away. Nothing in the fireplace so now I'm confused so I look up and around thinking bird flying in the living room?

NOPE omg A BAT A BAT...I go running and screaming through the house into the bedroom where I slam the door shut and sat there hyperventilating, crying, snot running down my face trying to figure out what to do. BUT all I could think of was: BAT, rabies, disease, my boys. BAT, rabies, disease, my boys. Over and over again. And this all happened in my ex's guest room where he was spending the night because its his weekend. I literally jumped into bed with him and grabbed him screaming in his face the above. So good morning to ya there B. My ex kept asking should I call 911 who has a bat? I couldn't say anything but BAT BAT BAT like the girl in Jaws yelling shark shark shark. My oldest emerges from his room to find out what the ruckus is about and I start screaming get in your room shut the door...he argues. **Grrr** and Sigh 
My ex finally gets that no one has a bat but rather it was a BAT.  **Blush** And he sighs and says OK if you're that afraid put on my motorcycle gear and calm down. So please picture this: I'm in my medical scrubs wearing a full face helmet and mesh jacket. Because THAT will protect me from Dracula.
They couldn't find the BAT. Dude I say what do you mean you can't find the BAT. It was right there fwapping around. He shrugs and says well it's gone. **cry**

However...the guy (or as I like to refer to him Buffy the vampire slayer) said he found evidence of where it came in and expects that is the way it left. He says I've had bats for awhile. OH HELL'S NO!!!!
Buffy went on to explain that bats live in colonies, and sometimes the "teenage" bats leave the colony to sow their wild oats and then go home. So basically my farking house is a "DEN of INQUITY" for horny teenage bats. Sorta like a BAT Rumspringa.
He closed the hole where the bat(s) are coming in and said he could for 800$ fix the outside areas where the bats are coming in.
I'm thinking for 800$ I can buy a hella lot of stakes, holy water, and True Blood...

Oh and guess what? I did make this a little about scooters: I mentioned a RUCKUS and GEAR.
Bringing it all together, oh yes I am.
So how was your morning?